I chose Diving Into Freedom as the name for this blog because every time I describe this journey, the image in my head is of me almost drowning. (yikes). Or so I thought.
So it started like this: We were standing on the edge of this cliff, peering out over a great abyss of swirling, brackish adventure, terror, excitement, joy, possibility, questions (not really; this is a metaphor. I feel like you don’t know me yet. So I’ll just tag it for you: metaphor.)– or looking back to monotony, security, “justice & fairness,” all around gray-ness and average-ness. We knew we were at a Point of Decision because from both sides we were being pushed and pulled constantly.
Newly married, baby on the way, basically couldn’t stand each other and we had built a sturdy wall between ourselves, just short enough to allow us to catapult flaming balls of injustice from one side to another, but that’s a post for another time. My mom had passed away three years before and I had forgotten that all important step of Grieving; I had just moved to this new city and gotten hitched to this guy I had only known for a year or two (it was your basic love at first sight/ he had an awesome resume/etc). Basically my world was on the edge of sink or swim, and I can still see us standing there with a choice: Blessings or curses; life or death; jump or stagnate. Life got louder and more pressing and emotions got fiercer. I had to choose fast.
I chose jump.
First to forgiveness. (Cha-ching! That was the Winning Number right there! Forgiveness! Changed my world. And this whole debt thing really goes hand in hand with the forgiveness thing. Years of Jubilee and whatnot. There’s a mass to untangle one day!)
And for the first time as a couple, we made a choice together, and we jumped into paying off our debt. It was a big decision, but an easy start into Team-Hood because it was finances. Basically just math. No emotions involved right!? Lol.
So we were standing on this cliff, the world pulling us and pushing us from both sides, the Unknown swirling and braking and crashing under us, and we jumped — hard, and we were under water for a while. And it was so much like diving into a pool; that inundating, swirling, bubbly water feel, where your hair’s floating around you and you can kind of see the sun above you but you can’t reach the surface and everything’s going slow and there are muffled sounds from the surface kind of throbbing around your head… and your feet finally reach the rough bottom and you’re able to push off and stretch for the surface… and you get closer and closer to the sun and the muffled noises start to get louder, just as you think you’re probably out of breath and going to die, you bust through the surface… that’s what getting out of debt felt like. And we were there for two years.
Two years of suspension under water.
It was trippy. And then there we were!
And once you’re in, there’s no going back. We were initiated into the new swirling mass of brand new choices, brand new paths, new adventures, new people, new perspectives.
Oh my goodness. We weren’t drowning.
It was a baptism.
Mind. Blown. See! This is why I have to write!
Because we came up out of there totally new. Clean, fresh, the old garbage was gone. The past had been erased, with just this trail to remind us where we had been. It was our Exodus. And God left things in our lives to remind us what He had pulled us out of — or allowed us to jump from. He had left little emotional-reminder-road-signs (like Christmas! Buying Christmas presents is a great way for me to remember our Materialism Journey) to remind us what He brought us from and to encourage us with where He is leading us.
And when we dove in to getting out of debt, and when I dove into forgiveness, I did not realize, I mean I had zero idea, that I wasn’t just jumping into a financial decision or into another bandaid that would help me look more like a rich white Christian who has clean clothes all the time and irons her shirts and gets manicures. I wasn’t just falling into more discipline. I was diving into the most insane, life altering, world changing, unimaginable FREEDOM. His plan for us wasn’t just financial independence. His plan for us was to show people this inverted, inside out, upside down, impossible way of living that allows each of us to Change our World. BLAH! #That’sCrazy.
We jumped away from debt, away from financial and emotional and spiritual bondage and clean into freedom. And living in His power now in all these areas, it’s like a different dimension. It’s just. Different. and Free!